


Feelin' Like My Heart's Mistaken

by UnspokenWords



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Galaxy Garrison, Heavy Angst, I cried while writing this, Internalized Biphobia, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Sad Ending, i'm sorry lance i'm projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnspokenWords/pseuds/UnspokenWords
Summary: Lance wants Keith.Lance is bi.Bi.Lance is scared.So he runs.





	Feelin' Like My Heart's Mistaken

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at the Garrison, before Keith gets kicked out.

Bi.  
Lance is bi.  
Lance has a crush on a boy. Lance wants to kiss this boy and run his fingers through his hair and hold his hand at an amusement park and sit on his lap and have him sit on his lap. Lance wants to look into his eyes and fall in love and kiss him and cuddle with him and see him smiling underneath him after a tickle war. Lance wants this boy.  
Lance wants Keith.  
Lance is bi.  
Bi.

Lance is scared.  
Lance is so scared. Lance can’t help but cry.  
How will his family react? What will they do if he tells them in a letter back home?  
What if they don’t want him?  
What if they only want the him that likes girls?  
What if they think he’s not a good kid?  
Lance just wants to go to a good place. Lance just wants happiness. He just wants to be loved. He just wants to be himself.  
But he’s scared.

So he runs.  
Lance flirts with a bunch of girls that he finds cute. None of them are as cute as Keith. Most of the girls have long black hair and bangs. Lance tries to tell himself that his feelings for these girls are real. That he has feelings.  
Lance tries to convince himself that he doesn’t like Keith.  
A voice in his head says it’s okay to like Keith. A voice in his head says to pretend the girls are Keith.  
Lance never makes it past date one with these girls.

Lance cries himself to sleep at night.  
Lance writes letters home talking about girls.  
Lance throws away the letters he cries on.  
Lance hides it. Hides it from Hunk, hides it from Pidge, hides it from the teachers.  
Should Lance change himself? Is something wrong with him?  
He knows it’s supposed to be normal, he knows it’s okay to be bi.  
But is it okay for _him_ to be bi?  
Lance cries himself to sleep every night.

Lance buys a notebook to write his real letters in. Lance buys a notebook to talk about how he really feels.  
Most of the pages are blurred with teardrops.  
Lance loves Keith. He’s in love with that stupid mullet and that stupid smirk and his piloting skills. Lance wants to hold his hand and run his hands through that mullet and kiss his cheeks and kiss his forehead and kiss his lips and he wants to tell him. Lance wants to take him ice skating and hold his hand. Lance wants to take him to an amusement park and go on the roller coasters and beat him to win him a prize and to get a photo at those overpriced photo booths and to go on a Ferris wheel and he wants to tell Keith he loves him.  
Lance just wants Keith. He wants Keith _so much_. The ink swirls together.

Lance tries to tell himself that it’s okay.  
That it’s okay to love Keith.  
That it’s okay for him to be bi. That his family won’t hate him. That he’ll be safe. That he’ll still be loved. That he will be okay.  
He knows he probably would be fine. Veronica is a lesbian, and they took it fine when she told them.  
But he’s Lance. He’s Lance and he likes boys _and_ girls. And he loves Keith.  
And he doesn’t know how they’re going to react.  
He doesn’t want to take that chance.  
He can already see them yelling, can already see them telling him to never come back, can already see them telling him that he’ll never get into heaven like this.

Lance cries himself to sleep at night.  
Lance holds his notebook in his arms as he falls asleep.  
Lance doesn’t want to let go of his feelings. Lance _can’t_ let go of these feelings. Lance keeps trying, keeps trying to be a good kid, keeps trying to not love Keith.  
Lance keeps trying to take girls out on the dates he wants to take Keith on, but all he does when he gets back is cry.

Lance takes his self-hatred out on Keith. Lance can’t let Keith know that he likes him, can’t let anyone know that he’s a bad kid.  
Lance challenges Keith to stupid challenges. Lance calls Keith his rival. Lance pretends he doesn’t like Keith.  
Doesn’t like Keith.  
Doesn’t like Keith.  
Lance cries himself to sleep at night.  
Lance doesn’t like Keith. He loves Keith.  
Lance cries himself to sleep at night.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I was sad at like 12 AM and listening to "Heaven (ft. Betty Who)" by Troye Sivan, and this is what I wrote.  
> I cried while clutching my bi flag while writing this. I haven't come out to my parents yet, and while I'm sure they'll be fine with it, I don't know how they would actually feel if I was dating a girl. I'm scared.  
> So I wrote this.
> 
> I might write a happy ending to this someday, where Lance comes to terms with it through Hunk's support and by talking to Shiro about it. But for now, it's a one-shot. Sorry.
> 
> Leave a comment here! Or find me at these links.  
> Twitter: [@_keithtrash_](https://twitter.com/_keithtrash_)  
> Tumblr: [Tumblr](https://unspoken-words-ao3.tumblr.com/)


End file.
